“I Discovered My Husband Is A Child Sex Offender. I Stayed With Him.”

Discovering that your partner is involved in child sex abuse is a life-shattering moment. And, as these three women explain, it's just the beginning of the nightmare.

PRIMER, 2024

For some women, it’s an early morning knock at the door from police that brings the life-altering news. For others, it’s an accidental and horrifying discovery on their husband’s computer.

Every year in Australia, thousands of people (mostly men) are arrested on charges relating to child sex abuse or online child abuse material.

But for every man who is arrested, there is likely to be an unsuspecting partner or family whose life is thrown into turmoil by his crime. “There’s a misconception that the partner must have known,” says the Peer Support Manager  at PartnerSPEAK, a non-government organisation that supports the partners and families of people who have accessed child exploitation material or offended against children sexually.

“I suppose most people think: that wouldn’t happen to us, we would see the signs, we wouldn’t be stupid enough to fall in love with someone who engages in something like online sexual exploitation of children.”

In her experience, most partners aren’t aware of their husband’s behaviour, but sometimes looking back they can piece together a patchwork of clues.

In fact, the prevalence of child abuse offences is underestimated by many people.

Last month, a landmark study found that one in six Australian men harbours sexual feelings for children under 18, and that 30 per cent of them want help. It also found that men who commit such offences are more likely to be married.

We spoke to three women whose partners have been convicted of child sex crimes. This story was carried out with the assistance of PartnerSPEAK, which is the only organisation of its kind in Australia. Despite only receiving funding in Victoria, it supports hundreds of non-offending partners every year, nationwide.

Warning: The following content may be distressing for some. Please call 1800 RESPECT or PartnerSpeak if you need help.

“I discovered my husband was a child sex offender. I stayed with him”

When her husband confessed that he had been filming children, Sarah*, a mother of four, chose to stay and support him

It was the last night of our holiday when I found out. It was late at night. The kids had gone to bed and my husband and I were talking when he just started crying. He said there was something he needed to tell me.